10 rules of dating my son

Posted by / 13-Oct-2016 18:45

10 rules of dating my son

In short, Michael’s rules, well, rule and I’m working to incorporate them into my parenting agenda for the next decade or so.All this dating stuff got me thinking just how frighteningly quick time passes.For goodness sake, if you aren’t really a lady, at least pretend to be one around me.This is not a treat, but a promise: I will sneak into my son’s room like a ninja and check his phone nightly for inappropriate sexts or naughty pictures so you best not be sending ’em.Yes, I obviously have my son’s best interests at heart and don’t want him to get hurt or to be taken advantage of, but that doesn’t mean I should be aggressively warning people – children, no less! Seriously, my kid is a really nice person, and if I do my job correctly, he’ll remain one. So I don’t think I really need to give someone else’s kid “rules for dating my son.” Hopefully your parents have already taught you some rules of their own. Don’t give it another thought, and let’s get back to some honest, open communication. This makes a boring date bearable and it cuts out a ton of awkward driving time. What I’m saying is, you’re here today because of a

In short, Michael’s rules, well, rule and I’m working to incorporate them into my parenting agenda for the next decade or so.All this dating stuff got me thinking just how frighteningly quick time passes.For goodness sake, if you aren’t really a lady, at least pretend to be one around me.This is not a treat, but a promise: I will sneak into my son’s room like a ninja and check his phone nightly for inappropriate sexts or naughty pictures so you best not be sending ’em.Yes, I obviously have my son’s best interests at heart and don’t want him to get hurt or to be taken advantage of, but that doesn’t mean I should be aggressively warning people – children, no less! Seriously, my kid is a really nice person, and if I do my job correctly, he’ll remain one. So I don’t think I really need to give someone else’s kid “rules for dating my son.” Hopefully your parents have already taught you some rules of their own. Don’t give it another thought, and let’s get back to some honest, open communication. This makes a boring date bearable and it cuts out a ton of awkward driving time. What I’m saying is, you’re here today because of a $1 scratch-off lottery ticket. I’m not saying you should gamble, far from it, however, if you win anything over $100 we split it 50-50. Think less Jim Carrey and more Carry Grant (super cool actor from a looong time ago, Google him).

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In short, Michael’s rules, well, rule and I’m working to incorporate them into my parenting agenda for the next decade or so.

All this dating stuff got me thinking just how frighteningly quick time passes.

For goodness sake, if you aren’t really a lady, at least pretend to be one around me.

This is not a treat, but a promise: I will sneak into my son’s room like a ninja and check his phone nightly for inappropriate sexts or naughty pictures so you best not be sending ’em.

Yes, I obviously have my son’s best interests at heart and don’t want him to get hurt or to be taken advantage of, but that doesn’t mean I should be aggressively warning people – children, no less! Seriously, my kid is a really nice person, and if I do my job correctly, he’ll remain one.

scratch-off lottery ticket. I’m not saying you should gamble, far from it, however, if you win anything over 0 we split it 50-50. Think less Jim Carrey and more Carry Grant (super cool actor from a looong time ago, Google him).

If I have any say at all in the kind of ladies (note: I said “LADIES”) my boys bring home to date, they must follow mama’s very simple rules. You invited her on this awkward field trip and it’s your responsibility to make things un-awkward. Don’t ask dumb questions like Avoid romantic clichés and plan a fun experience. DO NOT go to a fancy French restaurant on your first date—unless you’re held hostage by fancy-pants kidnappers. Don’t look to her to figure things out—take the initiative. But it’s likely you will date a number of girls along the journey to marriage and you need to treat each one with respect and integrity, because one day they will marry. The theme song for the night should not come from Olivia Newton-John. Seriously, though, she should feel safe and secure both in her environment and with you. I remember the day in 10th grade when a blonde named Ramona moved in next door and I made it my life verse to love my neighbor as myself. Though shorter than Martin Luther's 95 Theses, I believe this is worth nailing to the front door. Rule 4: If you would like to hang out with my son, you will have to put up with me.I remember how my science, math, and geography grades began to plummet in the wake of her presence, and how I pursued her across the vast ocean of courtship by phone, by foot, and in my father's car. They started yelling out car windows at them and calling them on the telephone. "I am sorry, he is on a mission trip to Zimbabwe where he is marrying a local girl." The caller does not laugh at this point. I am out on a weekend pass and I am unsure of what I will do or say next. Do not lean against him unless you are falling over and are in danger of injuring yourself or plunging off a cliff. I have been trying to do this for years and he will not let me. Rule 7: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for girls your age to wear Britney Spears T-shirts that do not reach their low-slung pants or necklines that sink lower than the Dow Jones Industrial Average.

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Dear Son’s Potential Future Date, First things first, my name is Dad and Buried, and I’m your potential future date’s father.

One thought on “10 rules of dating my son”

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